Transformediocre

Well... Let's just say that if the Fredstrom were 12 years-old he would love this movie. Tranformediocre's was indirectly proportioned with extreme CG effects and a suffering plot. Talk about really trying to piece together a plot to make a sequel!

There's just something super cheesy about robots talking trash to each other. They are FREAKING ROBOTS, robots don't talk smack!  Also, is it really necessary to have Decepti-lames with two wrecking balls in the groin region? Autobots talking about their fathers? How does that work? The Fredstrom was anticipating a mega-battle at the end of the movie only to missed it due to a sneeze (that darn sternutatory reflex)! The Fredstrom is also not sure why American soldiers bring their guns to a Transformer fight?  They don't seem to do anything! Haven't they learned anything from the 1st Transformer flick?

Transformers: Rise of the Fallame did have some strengths. Megan Fox-nuff said.  In addition to the amazing special effects, Michael Bay employed a vast array of beautiful aircraft for this movie. The Pyramid scenes in Egypt were pretty incredible as well.  There were quite a few moments of comic relief that were quite entertaining including Witwicky's mom getting high on Pineapple Express Brownies.

Was Translamers worth the money? It was... just barely and earned 6 Picasso's.

3 Movies in a Week? You Crazy!

Okay movie goers...The Fredstrom did a little homework for you all this week.... $68 dollars and 3 movies later he has a report. If you live in a cave and don't already know the plots of these new releases here it goes as only the Fredstrom can provide.

Monday night: The Hangover

Three friends decide to take their friend to Vegas for his bachelor party only to wake up to a destroyed Caesar's Palace Suite, wondering what happened the night before.  The rest of the movie is spent trying to re-piece together their night in order to find their missing friend, the groom. A trashed room, a Mike Tyson cameo, a stolen cop car, a Vegas wedding, a lost baby, a wrecked Mercedes, an angry Asian gang, and a visit to the hospital are just the beginning for these troubled gents. The Fredstrom was expecting The Hangover to be a lot funnier than it was....like Ricky Bobby or Step Brothers funny. Even so The Hangover earns 6 Picasso's.

Tuesday night: The Taking of Pelham 123

It's Phonebooth in a train, but definitely better. Travolta and crew take over a subway car holding hostages in a New York City tunnel.  Denzel is in charge of this route and engages Travolta via radio trying his best to meet his demands.  John Travolta plays a great bad guy, reminiscent of Face/Off. If you don't mind the repeated use of the "F"word, this movie is worth seeing.  Denzel and Travolta earn Pelham 7 Picasso's.

Saturday night: The Proposal

The Fredstrom was pleasantly surprised with this little movie. Relationally challenged and power-editor Sandra Bullock has some complications with her visa and is being deported. Her doormat-assistant, played by Ryan Reynolds is her only hope to keep her job. Guaranteed a promotion, Reynolds agrees to marry. Now they just have to get through a weekend with his family in Alaska. Now that Reynolds has some bargaining power, he turns up the sarcasm creating some hysterical lines. A good balance of romance and comedy earns this dark horse 8 Picasso's.

Surprise Birthday Party for The Fredstrom!

So the Fredstrom was headed out for a routine dinner with his beautiful wife and family only to be met at the top of the stairs by 31 of his closest friends! SURPRISE! The Fredstrom was speechless, and you know that's amazing in-and-of itself! It was an amazing night for the Fredstrom.  Thank you SO much for all of those that took their time out to attend the party.  It truly was a night that the Fredstrom will never forget.

Here's some of The Fredstrom's old and new family: Tricia, JoLinda, Granny, Mom, Dad and Erika.

Some more of the Fredstrom's new family cont'd: Kyle, Kent, Matt, Joyce, Kirk, and Grand-dad.

The first of my dear friends: Nick, Elizabeth, Richard, and Marcia.

My sweetie Kristin, Jon, Debbie, Kelly, and the Big Kahuna.

The Arrowhead Elite: Coreen, Steve, Brent, Liz, Travis, and Ashley with George and Cristi. 

Thank you Sgt. Julio for taking these photos!

The Fredstrom can't wait to see you all again.

Don't Drag Me to That Movie!

Okay blog fans, The Fredstrom’s blog is venturing into uncharted territory: H-E-Double Hockey sticks!  The Fredstrom sent his most trusted scary movie associate, BadBrad, into Hades to watch Drag Me to Hell.  Unfortunately, Drag Me to Hell was literally what seeing that movie felt like for the BadBrad. He reports:

That old ladies get really upset when declined for credit extensions, so much so that they will hide in the back seat of your car so that they can (A) Put a curse on you, and (B) gnaw on your neck with their nasty old gums cause their dentures fall out!

Of course curse protocol requires a consultation with your local witch doctor and an appointment for a séance.  This séance doesn’t go as planned, sending the sacrificial goat on an angry talking-rampage? AWKWARD!

The BadBrad apologies for ruining this movie (although it’s hard to ruin a movie that was already ruined) for anyone who still wishes to see it.  Unless you enjoy decrepit nasty-old ladies, maggot puke, insects entering orifices, raging goats, and gaping holes in the earth sucking a woman down to into fiery hell, then please take his word for it…it’s not worth the cheddar or your time.  The BadBrad mercifully gives Drag Me To Hell -2 Picasso’s for the number of suspenseful jumpy parts.

Didn't Quite Live UP

Well...It was the most anticipated movie for the Fredstrom, but didn't quite live UP. This was by far Pixar's most emotionally TUGGING movie starting off slow and sad, but HANG on UP fans! Meet The Fredrickson, a retired balloon seller that sets out to fulfill a childhood dream. The Fredrickson was supposed to take his wife on this adventure, but life got in the way. Unfortunately,  The Fredrickson out lives his sweet wife, leaving him to take their house with him. Destination: South America.

So this is Russell, a very accomplished Wilderness Scout needing to assist the elderly for that last badge to become a senior scout.  Russell gets CAUGHT UP with The Fredrickson and is along for the adventure, encountering some of his own challenges and adding new ones for his geriatric compadre.

UP was very clever. Although slow at parts, UP's two main characters come from totally different places, ending up on the same page forming a very sweet relationship. And as with any Pixar film, it offered a very creative short film called Partly Cloudy...love it.

UP earns 7 Picasso's for it's creative plot and lovable characters.

Terminator Stinkation

So Terminator gets sent back to take out Sarah Connor because her future son John will lead the resistance against the machines in the future. John sends back his dad, Kyle Reese to protect her.

Terminator gets Terminated only to get sent back again this time to defend pre-pubescent John Connor (remember that squeaky voice?), from a liquid-metal terminator and again both terminators end up taking dirt naps. 

Terminator gets sent back again to defend college co-eds John and his woman against uber-hot terminator.  Terminator again takes care of terminat-her and sacrifices himself to keep John alive. Viva la resistance!

Judgment Day has come and gone leaving the world in utter decay. Nuclear fallout is no fun! It's the year 2018 and middle-aged John is battling against the machines along with a bunch of thugs that were extras in Tupac and Dre's video "California Love".  Weird thing is that John Connor's dad who's a teenager(?) Has been captured by the machines.  John has to go into Skynet headquarters to fetch him out.  He ends up running into the Governator in his birthday suit!  Good thing for computer generation, not sure anyone wants to see 62 year-old Arnold in his birthday suit!

The Fredstrom won't give away anymore info about this somewhat disappointing movie.  There is only so many ways to remix this Terminator saga.  The 3rd one was redundant enough, this is just getting ridiculous.  This near waste of $7 earns 5 Picasso's.

The Fredstrom Likes Angels and Demons

If you like The Da Vinci Code then you will really enjoy Angels and Demons.  It's a sophisticated European version of National Treasure and let's face it, Nick Cage doesn't have much on Tom Hanks.  Dan Brown is a genius at creating this very smart and intriguing plot.

Tom Hanks (Robert Langdon) is back and called upon by the Vatican to help find 4 kidnapped Cardinals that are finalist in line for Pope-hood. Hanks roams all over Vatican city in search of clues to find these lost Cardinals before they are killed in ways that only he can unlock.  Ewan McGregor brings it as the late Pope's right hand man and gives Hank's a serious run for his money. The ending was completely unexpected with a shocking twist! Everone dies after the...just kidding, go see it for yourself!

The spiritual metaphors are fascinating and endless.  The CG effects were pretty decent-regenerating a hodgepodge of the innards of the Vatican and other Roman churches.  You history buffs will like the symbol decodings, the Vatican archives (including Vatican cover-ups), Galileo's writings, Bernini's statues, and more.

The more the movie went on the more the Fredstrom was feeling that this movie is really good. Dan Brown, Tom Hanks, Ewan McG. and Ron Howard have earned themselves 8 Picasso's!